P {margin-bottom:2px;} CE, Jean, Grace, Rachel, Rena, Christine, Lisa,     I had very good stay in Korea. I would  like to thank you for your hospitality and took good care of me while my stay in Korea. I really enjoyed the work with you "young ladies".. CE is really proud of each of you in her Team. I fully agree with her and it's proud of TI too.   We worked, had lunch & dinner together every day... Everyone works so hard and dedication. You are not only colleague, but more like sisters..   On Friday night, After we had dinner, We said "good bye" at my hotel lobby. I felt blue and could not bear to part. I felt the same way you were ( Jean, Rena, Rachel). although Grace left early, But felt the same way.   I wish my this trip did help you a little bit and pls don't hesitate to let me know if you need further help. You are welcome to call me any time.   One think to remind "time flies". Work is not the only thing in the life. Reserve some of your time to make boy friend is important. This is wishes from my heart and this is my personal experience. (serious).     Last, I will pray for Korea team to win second game... Good luck.   Best regards, Hui Jen Fu ------------------------------------------------------------------------  A letter from warm-hearted HJ who gave us a good training last week. such a nice person she is not only for her work performance, also for her nature as a human....   For some reason, the majority of our CS Team memeber has no boyfriend.... which I thought was strange also at first....but now I know why....becoz they're so dedicated to what they are doing in TI.. One thing comes to my mind....   " Is it really impossible to kill two birds with one stone? " or like the korean saying "cathing two rabbits at once..?"   I'm still looking for the answer to these questions..... but for sure I know I can't agree more with HJ's comment.   "Work is not the only thing in the life. Reserve some of your time to enliven ur life..."

일주일에 두번이상 이유도 없이 슬프고 눈물이 쏟아시면 우울증인거 맞지?

나 요즘...그렇다.

 

어제가 오늘같고 오늘이 내일이 되는 반복되는 일상에서 세상은 내가 어떻게되든 잘만 돌아가는데 아무생각도 아무 느낌도 아무 목적의식도 없이...단지 시간만 흘러가기를 바라면 하루하루를 보낸다.

눈뜨면 회사가고, 하루종일 몇마디 오고가는 업무상 대화가 다인 적막한 사 무실에서 컴퓨터와 엑셀파일들과씨름하다... 때가되면 어색한 분위기에서 밥을먹고 일을하고....퇴근을하고.... 휴...

 

요즘은 너무 답답해서 미쳐버릴것만같다.가까운 곳이라도 그냥 훌쩍 떠나고 싶은데..

그런느낌. 누군가는 막 보고싶은데, 볼 수 없는 사람이고 지금 내주위에는 아무도 없고... 예전에는 항상 웃는 얼굴이었다고 하던데 내가 변하긴 변했나? 그 변함조차 깨닫지못하고 있으니....억지로라도 웃고 밝게생활해야지 하면서도 금새또 우울해진다...

 

휴...

 

만나는 사람마다 투덜거리고 짜증내고... 그럼 안되는거 알면서도 아직 철이 덜든건지 매일 실수만하는것같구 모든걸 떨쳐버리고 싶은데 그럴 수는 없고....

당분간은 그냥 이런느낌대로 내버려둘란다.. 때가되면 괜찮아지겠지.....

 

 

[URL=http://drawahouse.com/houses/show.asp?houseID=344660&houseHash=e80d32f0fdeb3d0511d5acd496246b3f]
[IMG]http://drawahouse.com/houses/2006/4/23/344660_t.gif[/IMG]
Click here to view my house[/URL]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I made a mistake at work. Last minute about to off work, I realized.. i did something wrong in the last mail i sent to manager.... How stupidious of me......

When i'm under stress, I'm like that... poor performance...

oh well... today is today, tomorrow will be another day... what could be the worst thing can happen...?

I won't die anyway right?

hahahaha Good night all...

 

 

 

줸장...

 

it's been 3-4months. since i go down in the dumps at least once in every month without fails.. yeah you're right. it's my period having control of myself.... my emotion.... shit... i've never been like this before... i couldn't even understand when other girls say they feel on the edge... or sensitive.. nervous...capricious... whatsoever....

anyway here i am another cranky women...

 

그냥 슬프다. 그냥 누군가가 너무 보고 싶은데 보지 못하고 가슴에 무언가가 꽉 막혀있는 그런 기분이다. 답답하다... 어제가 오늘같고 오늘이 어제같고.... 반복되는 일상과 나혼자라는 느낌.... 뭘하는지도 모르겠고 재미도 없다... 세상과 단절되어있는 느낌.... 그냥 눈물이 막 날것만 같구.... 멍하다...

 

빨리, 1년이 후딱 지나갔으면 좋겠다......

 

적어도 1년이 지나야...

 

why we don't realise the importance of something , someone we are with, we live with...?

Even this feeling, will i ever miss when it's not present anymore?

 

I don't know..... but i know this...that i'm sad now.

I don't know..... but i know this  I become numb to the things i used to feel at least something from....

 

I'm sad....

 

Urrrrr...............................let me be alone... as i stand...with nobody next to me... coz I am too lonely to be wtih someone ............

 

Can't be with just anybody just becoz i miss somebody's presense beside me....right.. ?

I just need someon's shoulder to cry on......

Would you be my friend to listen to me? to offer shoulders for me to cry on? on no condition...no  weighing what's important, what's less ...just.. just..

 

제기랄...그냥 벽보고 이야기하는 편이 낫겠다....

아니면이렇게 블로그를 그적이거나 말이야...

 

sorry for another crappy blog entry. It's not my fault . it's you who read my blog without my permission. I don't have time or power to think how you would think of me after reading my space... i don't care.

I don't care. sorry i really don't. that's who i am.

 

Urrrrrr..... tomorrow another not so special tuesday.

I will go to my office.. check my email... ...

 

i might as well find my own joy out of this lifeless life... I might as well vanish into thin air..someday...

when the day comes, pls think i'm released to be free....

 

안뇽. 잠이나자야지...... for tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

DARN!

 

It's been only 6 days since I become biologically 26 year-old ( technically not yet full 26...I mean in korean age..don't get confused!)  In western age caculating way I 'm STILL 24...

 

Damn...

 

What happened was ...

on Wednesday night,after saying good-bye with Sue, I still didn't feel like giong home.... so I called MinKyoung out . (by the time I called her, she already wash off her makeups...and ready to hit the hay.) Thanks to her generosity over ' friendship', I was successful to drag her out on the most coldest day this winter;p

 

First, we need to warm ourselves up by drinking couple of  favorite cocktails at AU. ( on one condition of ' buying her  drinks, She was my company that night ;p)

 

I had Jack & Coke , Gamigaje

She had Black Russian, fruit flavored alcohol punch.

Our non-stop chat to catch up on latest news on each part for 1.5hr...She congratulated on  new job offer and confessed her newly started love-life?keke.... I'm really happy for her ^^

 

when we reached a point where we feel happy and abit highed up, decided to go clubbing! can't remember when was the last time i did ....urrr..... there aren't really many varieties of clubs to choose from...I mean let's take Seoul for example... there are many different types of clubs like club for hiphop, club for jazz, club for salsa, etc..etc...let alone clubs for different age groups.

OH well.. here's different story.  almost of those newly sprung clubs are packed with youngsters i would say range ard in their early 20's. For those in late 20's and over usually go other form of club as we call " Night Club" where there are waiters set you up with guys and girls on the spot. songs are not so my type. besidesthat  I don't like the idea of sitting at thier table when you are in there. for so many reasons... I seldom go "Night Club"

Min kyong and I didn't care what age group ppl ard us fall into, just we wanted to have fun~!

so Here we are~ at the club!

heading to one of the most well-known club. inexpensive,plus every wednesday it's lady's night. 50% discount price with one free drink. it's a steal~how could we not  choose this awesomeplace...huh... ?

 

We had another Coke &Jack (since obviously Its 80% of Coke and 20% of Jack Daniel )and bottles of beer... spotted one tall nice-looking boy. um~ I thought to myself just simply from objective view,,oh yeah  He's cute. that's all. no intention of flirtting or seducing? him.

 

we were pretty in a good mood to dance~ just perfect.... letting ourbody move with the music jollily..

then , there the nice-looking guy was standing behind me...oh..oh..oh!  ;p as my friend was getting distant from me while we were dancing, this guy put her hands ard my waist as if he was waiting for the chance....

holly crap! of course I wasn't offended or anything like that, coz that's the so-called 'club culture'(knowing that it's not sexual intended acts).. express with your body~ non-verbal way of communication. kka! cool isn'ti it?

Without exchanging a word... like that, we danced together for about one hour....  nothing seems too wrong until now?  yeah....but the shit part started after one-hour session of non-verbal dance,

He uttered one simple short question suddenly.

 

A(Cute tall guy)

B(Happened to be an old  lady in the wrong time at the wrong place )

 

 

A:"how old are you?"

B:....*just put a pretty smile~~ :) *

.....silence.....

.....

... again he went on like,

 

A:" Tell me how old u are?"

B:" secret"

A:............. .........

B:"Are you a student? "

A: " Yes.."

B:" I graduated frm uni this year." ( hinting vagely my age)

 

finally He changed the same question in a little bit more  complicated way.

 

A:"what zodiac you belong to? "

B:" Chicken."

 

Stupidious of me revealing my actual age nonchalantly! (Later my friend scolded me for that! ;p saying I am supposed to reduce at least 1~2 yrs from my age.... oh....what's the point?? I think . eventually it will all turned out to be lie)

 

A's face showed slight surprise... HAHA HAHAHAHA ~!

 

He said He's 2 years younger than me. So what?? I don't care how old you are...Just I wanted to enjoy my once in a blue moon outing with my friend.. and the club embiance~ with a person like you, cute young guy makes it even better. that's all I care for. Then, you being so hung up on this age thing.... ?? started to get on my nerves....

 

The nightmare was the fact that He left the spot  after finding that i'm older than he is with some lame excuse i've ever heard before...

 

oh.....WHat The peep!

 

by then, i realised that Minkyoung was not around me.... I was hurry to find my gal friend who had just been lefted behind by her unthoughtful useless friend who's  just turned out to be an old lady for 23year-old cute guy. :p

 

Thank god.she didn't leave but was waiting for me so calmly at the corner of the hall.... ;p

 

 

 

I said sorry. and told her this story and we laughed our lungs out HAHAHAHAHA~~ 

 

that stupid boy doesn't know 'giong out with older girlfriend' is in quite the rage thesedays... HAHAHAH~

He missed the chance~! kekekek

 

I won't stop my shaking shaking hobby simply becoz of this unusual one-time incident, coz I don't care~ as long as I am happy and capable to deal with young boy hahahaha

 

Bring it on~

 

 

What a day~~~!!!

 

third of Jan. 2006 Start off with a happy news!

 

I got a job! I got a job! This is not just a normal job! the job that i've been longing for ! 

 

I'm so proud of myself being able to find a job in this tight job market thesedays in Korea ;p

 

I don't have to go here and there  for interviews anymore! Hurrah! Hurrah!

I don't have to live in Seoul alone feeling absolutely pointless (when it comes to financial subject ) and isolated.....

I am not afraid of living alone in foreign city (done that several times...if you ask me ) coz even though i will be constantly making big fuss out of it for a while at first, I know that the hard adjusting time will go away soon and you become a true part of the society. But just I failed to see the purpose of me working in a  totally bleak and dry city when neither could  i save money nor did I get the job satisfaction from it.

 

I falied to seek the reason at that time..... People say, 'that's the way this world is going..don't you know that ? Get yourself into this' ( in my ears it sounds like " Give up.... that's life.. " )

Sorry, i can't agree on this one 100%.I know , people can't do pleasant work and things what make them satisfied all the time, but at least I believe that there should be a reason ..... and with a little bit of joy added to it, the outcome will be doubled.

 

Oh.... I am so...happy.

 

I will be able to meet up my lovely friends after work for a coffee....

 

I will be able to save money since I can live with my family...

 

I will be able to learn Chinese and work out in the vicinity of my work place ( it's in the center ofcity with an easy  accessibility to almost anything. resturant, movie cinema, language institution, shopping mall etc etc  )

 

.........

 

......

 

....

 

name a few ;p

 

 I will stick to it whatever it takes, no matter how hard it would be, i will get myself there going through all the difficulties and eventually it will all pay off ^^ I know there's no better options at this moment.

 

Thank you for giving me this opsition. seeing my potentials in me.... I Will Do My Best!

 

 

Give a good pat on my back um hahahahahaha!!

 

Excerpt from Chester's blog....

 

 

 

Year 2005 was filled with romance, happiness, laughter, sorrow, depression, hope and other factors which made me the man that I am today. I would sincerely want to thank those who has gave me advice, who has inspired me and who has stood by me in times of uncertainty. Also to those who are in Australia right now, thank you and I'll always treasure your friendship forever. Lastly, I would like to thank my favourite korean girl whom I've known for so many years now, always being my friend, my listening ear, my other half. My darling Hyun Jin. I will always treasure the times that we spent together.

 

  

 

conclusion.

 

Love is blind... I fail to see Love....

All I want  is to  cry....

 

I want to cry

 

I want to cry

 

I want to cry

 

I want to cry.....

 

But I can't... I have nobody to cry on... DAMN.

 

Please don't ask me why..... Just I get this surge of sadness all of sudden. Am i in my mid 10's or what???

 

 

 

I've changed a lot.... my character, my personality, my way of thinking.....

 

I become numb to everything.

 

I always had many groups of friends from middle school, high school and university...

 

But I slowly gradually realise that nothing can fill this emptyness inside of my mind....

 

Today I talked with my best friend , Ming over MSN. She said i'm changed... in a bad way.to be  weaker, more vulnerable... If she were near me, I could've vented it all out and cried on her..(that will be my second time to show my tears coming down harshly from my eyes)........and then next morning I could start off my dull dry day as if nothing had happened..... Everything is inside me. Every other aspects of emotions..happiness, sadness,missing somebody,laughter to share.... Everything I confide in me. now..it's about to blow up!

 

 

Gee.......This feeling will go away soon.... I hope so ....

 

Sorry being too cranky......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

난, 모질지 못해서, 여기저기 찔러가면서 다른사람 맘에 상처를 주고 그런 짓을 못해.

 

그래서 난 지금 바보같이 어쩌면 결과가 뻔히 보이는 과녁에 화살을 겨누고 있는 것인지도 몰라.

 

그래서 다른 사람들이 주는 레이다는 잘 케치를 못하거든. 좀 둔한가봐. 

 

근데, 2006년이 오기전에 확실하게 해야겠어.

 

원래의 나로 돌아와야해. 만약 그게 애초에 잘 안될 일이라면 말이야.... 더이상 늦기전에.

 

coz, i don't want to spend my life tiring me out worrying and feeling uneasy.. coz there's no enough faith.

 

i don't like man who's not honest , who's not committed , who's wishywashy... pampered.. . whom i can't tust.

 

coz i'm the opposite. 겉으로 보기엔 강해 보여도 속으로는 상처 잘 받고, 여린 여자거든....

 

so behave yourself not to make confused...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When i got the position in the overseas trade department, i thought it's done. I felt relived instead of happy . Relief from the humongous pressure and burden of expectations from people around me ( Luckly, my parents naver pushed me or anything like that, they are the one always on my side support whatever i have in mind.)

My life seems to be on the so called " right track " y'know..Upon graduation, you might have to get a job. that's where the mid-20's ideal life should be in the big life cycle. right? well..~ sorry. but i'm the one went against the grain....

 

 

haha~ anyway, I want to give it a try before it's too late. ^^  wether it's successful or the other way ard,

 

 

1. Study further to my unltimate goal.

 

2. Career - must be in Seoul. more opportunities, self-support, indepedent !!

 

 

I think this is my first bloging since i have moved to Seoul. Still i can't say i'm 100% acclimated to this new enviroment and my new working monotenous working life.... first few weeks, i confess almost everyday i cried to sleep ( even ppl in the office don't relate to my feeling and don't understand the reason of me being so sad during the day...) Yes.. I couldn't help feeling so lonely and fit in with those people in the office..... okay i hear you saying" You fussy! Live with it! it's the stage everybody has to go through...don't blow things out of proportion..it's natural... i know definetely it is.. but what made me can't stand was overtime working hours... which are not gonna be compensated by being paid ...for the extra hours. and strange enough.. they don't seem angry at the fact (except me) far from that, they seem think it's natural...... around 6 pm. when everybody in other department gets ready to go home, our department ppl order food for dinner..and keep working until 8~9.... it's like that veryday eall year around.... well.. i don't want neither do i dream to devote my life into working totally negative to that kind of concept. what's the purpose of life?? then....i'm still young and looking for my half precious... I need my private time! SURE DO! working like this in that air tight stifle office.... makes me feel so depressed and takes energy out of me..

 

 Today is Satuday. ( one thing good about my company is that they adopted 5 days working week policy) I took an exam that is for getting a national certificate. It was more difficult than i expected...besides i wasn't really prepared for that test.. ( i don't expect to pass... if i did, it's against 'no pain ,no gain' motto ;p haha) after my exam, i met Lin, my sweet younger friend whom i got to know in the State. She always welcomes me with warm heart and sincerity. Her mom invited me to her house to make me feel at home...... ^^ Lin and I went out to see the world's fire works festival being held in 여의도 . wow....... to get to that place... wherever we go..... it was paced like sardins.with people!! wow... amazing amazing.... although Seoul is notorious for it's high population density... I get this feeling that i can't rule out the slightest chance of being stepped over by those people to death...... out of this aweful fear .... at last we went for our plan B which is heading to Hong-ilk university, the most exciting crazy happening place for clubbers!! Yeah~ it's holloween day~ at least our eyes will be happy to watch ppl in a funny holloween custumes ard there... ^^ As we guessed,,, hong ilk university area was like other planet... anyway, we had drinks at bar. talked, reminisce about hilarious time back in the states.... when i get back home, i was on a moderately happy half drunk stage.. hehehehe... @_@ ~~ That's why the title of today's blog is "celebrating my first not so bad mood in Seoul" ......... haha~~ guys! keep fingers crossed for me always ^^

Thank you so much!! my dearest friends... 4 ur efforts taking time out for me...esp, Yun Jeong, Although you don't appear on the pictures today, You managed to come see me even though you must had a very long tiring day from work. That's what friends are for~ yeah~~ hehe

 

Min young, don't worry ~! think it as a normal stage that very innocent ppl has to go thru, after all, it will work out perfectly for both you guys...

 

Su jeong, I am very pround of you as the way you are. sincere, honest,gracious. Next time when that happens to you, when the time is right,you will truely be happy and blessed by everyone who loves you.

 

Hyun sil, KeKe, today's conversation. started with Jong Hoon, ended with Jong Hoon.....haha~ Although I teased you, Although it was a bit annoying.... ;p you know that? you look happiest, prettiest now and so ever.

 

Yong jeong, You really look like a real career women! Who would've expected you to be the one who u r now??

nothing much to say to you, coz, u seem to have the time of your life~~thanks ! always you enpower me, you encourage me like my real sister.

 

My friends, I am so pround that u are my friends ^^ Love♡ You All!!!

 

 

After having gone through so much worries and all the hard times....Finally i decided to throw myself into totally new envrionment to get off my new life.. and my new career. The two features inside me made it hard to reach a compromise.... but i've come to the point that "no change, no developement" like as it is to "no pain, no gain.."

 

Okay, I guess it's time to grow.

It's time to stand up on my own two feet.

Honestly, I get cold feet time to time when i think of the negative parts i will face....

the biggest fear is " Loneliness " Since I've raised in a relatively big family. two older sisters, my parents, even my evil doggie was always beside me ,their existance is a big relif and a power to me and arouses laughter in my family.......   hopefully I will meet nice people. who knows~will see what's the future in store for me ^^

 

New opportunities.. more cultural privilege .

Go for IT!!

 

I love you

My love, I wish there was another way
To say the thing I want to say
And not to have to say : I love you
Another way to make a start
To tell you what is in my heart
And how my every thoughts is of you

To find a phrase that says as well
The secret that I long to tell
I've scanned the dictionary's pages
But back to 'I love you' I'll go
Eight little letters in a row
That men have spoken through the ages

I love you

We say it in the songs we sing
We're read it in the things of spring
Or as the PS of a letter
A little cliche, quickly said
Familiar as our daily bread
Yet nothing seems to say it better
I might have said a hundred things
My phrases might have taken wings
Free the world or region hold and clever
But every time I seem to stall
Or three small words to say it all
Three little words that spell : forever

I'll shout it from the highest roof
I'll carve it in the trunks of trees
I'll tell the whispering breeze about you
I cannot hide it anymore
I cannot say it any less
I might as well confess : I love you

What a hectic day...

 

 

10:30~12:00 Interview

 

12:42PM~2:29pm on the way to seoul by KTX  ( snacked on sandwich substitute for my lunch)

 

3:00pm~5:00pm Test (Three parts,VP,NP,CP All written in English @_@)

 

5:00Pm~6:00pm unexpected interview for none-Seoulites

( I was not dressed properly on top of that was totally unguarded and got bombarded with many questions ) -unlike what they said "since it's a sudden plan change, we will extenuate the circumstacnes.."

 

6:00pm~7:00pm prolonged interview with HR Dept. recruitor ㅡ_ㅡ ( by then,,i was almost dead from hunger,no power left in me......)

 

7:10PM Finally! released to go home!!

 

BUT! Korean national holiday, Thanksgiving day is a few days a way..... no wonder no train seats are left!! not at all............all booked out.. oh plz....

 

Last resort. me and my friend had to rush to catch express bus hoping there's space left for us!

God helped .... Finally we could managed to get on the bus at 9:10pm.....

 

my journey to daegu lasted 4 hours...

 

the time i got home is 2 am..............

 

I 've used out all my power ...i'm so exhausted.........

 

But why is that me can't go  sleep?? eventhough my body is like in a vegetative state....I'm dead sober!

 

oh............... @_@